1) If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2) There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3) Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
4) Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
5) Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
6) Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
7) Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
8) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
9) Dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!
10) Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
11) There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
12) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
13) The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
14) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
15) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
16) The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
17) Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
18) Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
19) Chuck Norris doesnt go hunting, he goes KILLING!
20) Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
21) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
22) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
23) Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
24) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
25) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
26) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
27) Chuck Norris beats brickwall in tennis