• 14 Mar 2019, 22:06 • News
There has been speculation among the people of EU for many years that #follow.et may make a professional appreance at LAN. There have been good times; #follow.et's professional victory in Division 5 of CG EU ET Season 1 2014. There have been confusing times; #follow.et's early rebranding from The Following Day to the #follow.et Professional eSports Cklub that you see here today. There have been bad times; #follow.et's famous loss against the niSmO-led ORDER BANANA crusade. But now, we have come together on this fine March evening to bring you the news: #follow.et Professional eSports Cklub (since 2008) will be showcased at ETernity LAN.
On the 17th-19th May, we will be bringing 6 (7) of the finest names in professional eSports for you to admire and adore. You WILL laugh. You WILL cry. But be prepared to be dazzled by the premier names in the professional ET scene.
I present to you, a lineup:
If there is something in the ET scene to be seen, LeFrancis has seen it. He inspires love, hate, and everything inbetween from the ET scene, but withstands it all, and still competes to the highest professional eSports standards bi-annually. He had shoutcasted, he has trolled, and now he will be playing and triumphing on the biggest stage of all.
Favourite activity: Cklub
Favourite colour: French
Biggest achievement: Founding a professional eSports cklub
Would he have voted Brexit? If it trolls nerds, yes
niSmO has been playing the game since it's inception, but has been dominating the low+/med- since 2006, starting by playing for NRG. He has been imprisoned by (HBC) to form [HPC], and has been smashing nerds on public since his professional retirement in 2014. More recently, he has turned to dominating Schnee's discord channel mixes, and sometimes doesn't get lowest dmg.
Favourite activity: Brexit
Favourite colour: Red
Biggest achievement: Making 'niSmO' and 'freedom' banned terms on (HBC)
Would he have voted Brexit? He did(n't really)
Potty has been smothing himself all over the ET scene for many years now, and unfortunately, he hasn't stopped yet. He's cunted nerds at OC Prem, EC, and Division 5 of CG EU ET Season 1 2014, and this will be the crowning moment of his ET career; representing #follow.et at LAN. As the only player in the squad to have played ET to any significant level, the pressure will be on this juggernaut of a man to carry the lads on his massive (small) knob.
Favourite activity: Fingering
Favourite colour: Brexit
Biggest achievement: Joining #follow.et
Would he have voted Brexit? He definitely did
Controversially, despite being a woman, PaRzi has been allowed to join the ranks of #follow.et, which is a testament to her skill and prestige within the community. She has been dominating the female ET scene for many years, carrying #GirlsOnly to many victories (led by honorary woman Williams), and cementing her place at the very pinnacle of the women's game.
Favourite activity: Making elephant noises
Favourite colour: Black, like her soul
Biggest achievement: Women's independence from male oppression and masculine hegemony
Would he have voted Brexit? He's a she you divvy cunts
Here, we have a Veteran of the game. Playing for various excessively good teams, he has decided to raise his game to the top level and represent #follow.et on the electronic battlefield again. Enigma's appointment may have caused shock in the community for those who remember him cunting Potty and Rayzed at Adroits LAN, but the lads have decided to put the past behind them and fight for a greater cause.
Favourite activity: Being quiet
Favourite colour: Orange
Biggest achievement: Escaping The Cube
Would he have voted Brexit? I have no fucking idea
Bringing the sex appeal to the team, our latest addition, Rayzed, is looking fiiiiiiiiiiiine. His tan makes the sun shine longer, and he has been known to bring women to their knees with a glint of his perfect smile. His forget-me-not blue brown and chiseled abs have allowed him to play for teams such as MyRevenge and TEMR, and his well-toned calves have been seen at LAN several times before, with his muscled arms helping him aim passably. He's ready; I hope you are.
Favourite activity: Being sexy
Favourite colour: Tan
Biggest achievement: Being sexy
Would he have voted Brexit? Sex
In addition, our management and HR department Woony had this to add:
TL;DR lineup in full:
As you can see, I think it clear there is only one team realistically looking to win the pocal, and it is us.