#follow.et.LAN Professional eSports Cklub ready for action

image: logo3

Quote by Dwight D. EisenhowerYou are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months.

The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you.

In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped, and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely.

But you will cunt him.


Men,

There has been speculation among the people of EU for many years that #follow.et may make a professional appreance at LAN. There have been good times; #follow.et's professional victory in Division 5 of CG EU ET Season 1 2014. There have been confusing times; #follow.et's early rebranding from The Following Day to the #follow.et Professional eSports Cklub that you see here today. There have been bad times; #follow.et's famous loss against the United Kingdom niSmO-led ORDER BANANA crusade. But now, we have come together on this fine March evening to bring you the news: #follow.et Professional eSports Cklub (since 2008) will be showcased at ETernity LAN.

On the 17th-19th May, we will be bringing 6 (7) of the finest names in professional eSports for you to admire and adore. You WILL laugh. You WILL cry. But be prepared to be dazzled by the premier names in the professional ET scene.

I present to you, a lineup:


France LeFrancis (C)



If there is something in the ET scene to be seen, France LeFrancis has seen it. He inspires love, hate, and everything inbetween from the ET scene, but withstands it all, and still competes to the highest professional eSports standards bi-annually. He had shoutcasted, he has trolled, and now he will be playing and triumphing on the biggest stage of all.

Favourite activity: Cklub
Favourite colour: French
Biggest achievement: Founding a professional eSports cklub
Would he have voted Brexit? If it trolls nerds, yes

Quote by LeFrancisI am looking forward to attending this event and I am very confident regarding our future victory. Unlike other nerdy teams, we have a manager who accepted to join this very professional organization after meeting him in 2016 in Oulu (Funland) . So we can enjoy life and slap some women's ass while other geeky nerds slap their keyboards. My only concern is about LAN schedules, I really hope gaming sessions wont last too late so my teammates can let me attend teh cklub.


United Kingdom niSmO



United Kingdom niSmO has been playing the game since it's inception, but has been dominating the low+/med- since 2006, starting by playing for NRG. He has been imprisoned by (HBC) to form [HPC], and has been smashing nerds on public since his professional retirement in 2014. More recently, he has turned to dominating Schnee's discord channel mixes, and sometimes doesn't get lowest dmg.

Favourite activity: Brexit
Favourite colour: Red
Biggest achievement: Making 'niSmO' and 'freedom' banned terms on (HBC)
Would he have voted Brexit? He did(n't really)

Quote by niSmOImagine typing a paragraph about your own inadequacies to people who won't read it


United Kingdom Potty



United Kingdom Potty has been smothing himself all over the ET scene for many years now, and unfortunately, he hasn't stopped yet. He's cunted nerds at OC Prem, EC, and Division 5 of CG EU ET Season 1 2014, and this will be the crowning moment of his ET career; representing #follow.et at LAN. As the only player in the squad to have played ET to any significant level, the pressure will be on this juggernaut of a man to carry the lads on his massive (small) knob.

Favourite activity: Fingering
Favourite colour: Brexit
Biggest achievement: Joining #follow.et
Would he have voted Brexit? He definitely did

Quote by Potty (who actually said this)I am looking forward to attending my first LAN event. I cannot wait to meet some really nice people at lan and share stories of online banter over the years. I would like to wish all other teams the best of luck and I wish everyone a safe travel to Krefeld. See you there!


Germany PaRzi



Controversially, despite being a woman, Germany PaRzi has been allowed to join the ranks of #follow.et, which is a testament to her skill and prestige within the community. She has been dominating the female ET scene for many years, carrying #GirlsOnly to many victories (led by honorary woman England Williams), and cementing her place at the very pinnacle of the women's game.

Favourite activity: Making elephant noises
Favourite colour: Black, like her soul
Biggest achievement: Women's independence from male oppression and masculine hegemony
Would he have voted Brexit? He's a she you divvy cunts

Quote by PaRziWhat is happening?


Netherlands Enigma



Here, we have a Netherlands Veteran of the game. Playing for various excessively good teams, he has decided to raise his game to the top level and represent #follow.et on the electronic battlefield again. Netherlands Enigma's appointment may have caused shock in the community for those who remember him cunting United Kingdom Potty and Germany Rayzed at Adroits LAN, but the lads have decided to put the past behind them and fight for a greater cause.

Favourite activity: Being quiet
Favourite colour: Orange
Biggest achievement: Escaping The Cube
Would he have voted Brexit? I have no fucking idea

Quote by EnigmaCan someone please save me from playing with Potty


Germany Rayzed



Bringing the sex appeal to the team, our latest addition, Germany Rayzed, is looking fiiiiiiiiiiiine. His tan makes the sun shine longer, and he has been known to bring women to their knees with a glint of his perfect smile. His forget-me-not blue brown and chiseled abs have allowed him to play for teams such as MyRevenge and TEMR, and his well-toned calves have been seen at LAN several times before, with his muscled arms helping him aim passably. He's ready; I hope you are.

Favourite activity: Being sexy
Favourite colour: Tan
Biggest achievement: Being sexy
Would he have voted Brexit? Sex

Quote by RayzedWhat can I say? If they want it, I'll give them it


In addition, our management and HR department Finland Woony had this to add:


Quote by WoonyI looking forward to attending this 70€ per man lan. I am not afraid of anyteam in this CiC9 lan . I trust my team hard praccing and my fantastic tactics what i have made against every opponent we are facing. I have personally spent 8hours in day to study our enemies plays and tacs and have found a lot of weak spots what we are going to use as advantage coming lan. I personally have carried with my enormous starts two dota teams for 3rd place and gave Astralis the greatest tacts which is keeping them on top lvl. Still lack of golden medal as being coach, i have so good feeling that this is the lan where i finally can raise the pocal after players when all audience have left the building. When i still played professional they called me finnish ex6tenz. What i want to tell opponents is dont worry 4-0 isnt so bad score.
Sincerely yours, Woony "hendrix", Manager & Coach of Follow.et

P.s Some quotes from known players
aleksib: "Maybe the best coach ever"
matumbaman: "Who the fuck?"
Patrik Laine: "Play fortnite?"

Join? i can come make super fantastic strats!


TL;DR lineup in full:


Finland Woony (Manager)

France LeFrancis
United Kingdom niSmO
United Kingdom Potty
Germany PaRzi
Netherlands Engima
Germany Rayzed

As you can see, I think it clear there is only one team realistically looking to win the pocal, and it is us.
To conclude,

image: Culan-en
Comments
33
Professional news.
Can't wait to professionally meet nerds. culan
Admins, pls sticky this. Its the most important post about this LAN
irgendwo wird sich schon einer fehlen damit ich dich erneut auf lan rasieren kann
Parent
Totally in style with the spirit from #follow.et, I approve this post from la club
trying to be funny so hard
Can't I ever do anything right dad
Parent
Him trying to be funny is still better than you in any way, shape or form.
Parent
At least mind keeps it in a short form so you're done reading before you come to a thought about popping out your own eyes.
Parent
For a moment, I thought I was reading Blindi's comment. Brought manly tears to my eyes perkele.
Parent
image: 32438-tropical-drink-icon Best e-news 2k19 image: 32438-tropical-drink-icon

On a serious note, very excited for the event and to meet lots of likeminded nerds (and ofc to give my one and only schnee a big hug!)
Nerds gonna pay me beers after losing to us in finals
Hope this sets the standard for the quality of newspost for other LAN lineups - be professional or go home
Carla professional LUL
Profi-spielerin #bleibtWütend
Parent
No smoking in the car!
Parent
rofl dicke titten die doll wippen D:
Bester Mann :)
Parent
jo brudda was los :D
Parent
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